family gathering thanksgiving dinner breakout edu answers

“People think, ‘This is the family I’ve got, and it may not be perfect, but we can get through this.’” That’s what we see in the literature,” Regan says. “Once relationships are established, they are resilient. They tap into long-buried habits and actions,” Regan adds.Įven though there are lots of ways family gatherings can go wrong, most of the time people can forget these unpleasant and distressing interactions relatively quickly. Sometimes, as we work through the discomfort of shifting familial roles (kids growing up, parents getting older), we snap back into old behavioral paradigms: “I’ve seen this myself-grown siblings start to behave as if they’re eight years old. People returning to their parents’ houses for holidays may feel guilty for not being as close as they once were, or family members’ habits that may have been innocuous when you were all living under the same roof now seem intolerable. “Because conflict is a normal part of relationships, the closer you are and the more you self-disclose, and the more you hear things you don’t like,” Regan says. Even for the closest families, conflicts do happen, especially when people are confined to a limited space during family gatherings that last for days. “Grown siblings start to behave as if they’re eight years old.”įamilies also bring special forms of baggage. Those traditions are deeply rooted in our religion, identities, and childhoods-in short, they are emotionally charged, and celebrating holidays in a new way can bring its own form of disappointment and tension. More people have more complex family structures-parents divorce and remarry, families blend-and as a result, traditions clash.

And these days, that picture of the happy nuclear family is even further from our experience. In most cases, we’re just not capable of creating that Rockwellian ideal. Grandma may no longer be capable of cooking an entire feast on her own, even if she wants to relatives’ unpleasant or grating behavior doesn’t cease on holidays, despite their best efforts. Sometimes those realities don’t match up to fantasy simply because we’re human. The holidays can also be a time where we’re reminded of what we don’t have, Regan adds, further highlighting the celebration’s non-idyllic qualities. But when our realities don’t match that, we get frustrated,” Orbuch says. “We think this should be a perfect time, the food will be perfect, and our conversations will be respectful. So why do we get stressed about seeing family, and around the holidays in particular? Expectations are one of the biggest reasons-we watch Christmas specials or remember celebrating Thanksgiving as children and anticipate a Rockwellian experience, but, often, that’s simply not a reality. “Many psychological theories look at the accumulation of stress-if we don’t figure out some positive coping mechanisms, we’re not able to reduce the effects of current and future stress,” Orbuch adds.īut, as Orbuch points out, the events themselves aren’t inherently stressful-it’s our perception of them that stresses us out. Usually, these effects are short-lived, but over time the effects of stress can take a toll on the body, especially if an individual doesn’t know how to handle his stress well. “If you feel anxious, rushed, or pressured, your body changes-your heart rate rises and some people say they feel nauseous,” says Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert and sociology professor at Oakland University. That can have both psychological and physical effects. And though some people stress about it more than others because of their personalities or family history, the stress itself is a “very normal” feeling, says Pamela Regan, a psychology professor at California State University in Los Angeles.īy definition, stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from demanding circumstances. There isn’t much hard data on this, but several experts told Popular Science that many or most people feel some degree of stress surrounding their families. Why is that familial stress especially potent during the holidays? Popular Science spoke with a few experts to understand what causes that stress and steps that individuals and families can take to offset it.įeeling stressed out by the people you love can feel isolating, but if you’re one of the people for whom this is the case, you’re far from alone. But for some, the feelings go deeper-many people dread the holidays, becoming stressed or anxious in the weeks leading up to a family get-together. Sometimes these situations are small, unpleasant blips in otherwise enjoyable celebrations. Maybe you have that cousin who ruins dinner by igniting political debates, or the turkey is burnt, or your relatives won’t stop asking you about what you’ll do after you finish school. It was originally published on November 25, 2015.įor most people, family gatherings during the holidays are rarely stress-free.

Multi Generation Family Celebrating Thanksgiving.

Family gathering thanksgiving dinner breakout edu answers